..:: Written .:. Off ::..

If I was, I wouldn’t be able to write this blog post.

I may not be dead, but my writing certainly is.

By April or May of this year, I noticed that I hadn’t written a damn thing all year long.

No stories, no blog posts, no poems. I did write some emails, but only under duress or due to work obligations. Unlike some of the folks that I work with, I have to respond to an email that’s sent to me. Not everyone in the working world feels this way, I have noticed.

So what happened? Well, for one, I spent years writing a book, only to find that I hated it. I kept pulling it out, reading it, and putting it away. I did mean to publish the damned thing at some point, but when I finally came down to the end, I just didn’t feel like it was ready.

My wife was not too happy about this. After years of watching me put so much time into something, she had a hard time understanding why I hated the thing so much. It’s just one of those things I guess. If you are a writer, then you probably know what I’m talking about. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.

Mind you, I still thought about writing everyday, even though I wasn’t doing it at all. Which is pretty much worth nothing in the end. Thinking about something doesn’t fill up a blank page. The sad part about it is that I kind of didn’t care that I wasn’t writing. I lost the drive, which is something that I NEVER thought would happen.

Life, being completely unpredictable and wonderful, compensated with another creative outlet….

Isn't she lovely?

For 7 long years, I’d given up playing music. I lost interest when the writing bug bit me. But just like that, I found myself with a renewed interest in guitar playing. I cleaned up my guitars, restrung them and decided to reteach myself how to play. I started with the basics, learning chords and scales, while also trying to learn everything about the guitar from a maintenance perspective.

Mind you, I’d played in several bands while in my 20s, but I never really bothered to learn how to play the guitar. I learned everything by ear. I never had time to learn things the right way. There was only the drive to write music, record music, and play live.

Now that I’m older, I decided to take a step back and learn how to really play the goddamned thing. In a few short months, I find that I play better now than I ever did, and I enjoy it much more.

The best part is that I know why I enjoy the guitar so much. And I know why I have lost my drive to write.

Writing became work. As much as I tried to put publishing aside from my thoughts, it was always there. So when I got to the end of my book and realized that I could not even try to publish it, everything sort of caved in. I didn’t start writing to get published. And I don’t enjoy writing to get published.

With guitar playing, there is no pressure. No band. No push to write songs. It’s just pure enjoyment. When I play, I kind of slip into a black hole within myself. It’s so instant and fulfilling…it’s hard to explain. I can sit for hours (after my daughter is snoozing of course…and very quietly and just play.

So, have I given up writing. No. I am just taking a break. You see, I need to feel about writing, what I feel about playing the guitar.

Writing should be a joy.